Major Mistakes #1: Pregnancy Scares

Warning: I’m going to talk about almost being pregnant.

I wasn’t going to talk about this, but I need to remember it and I swore complete honesty.

Hello! Welcome to me talking about how I screwed up.

*this is where a quirky intro would play if this were YouTube*

This is more for myself than for other people because I need it to act as a warning and a reminder. In fact, I think I’m going to do a whole series where I list all the major mistakes of my life. Because I tend to forget and then make those same damn mistakes over and over. And then I strongly suppress it and pretend like it never happened. That doesn’t help me learn.

So I’m going to talk about it. I’m glad I can at least do it anonymously, thanks to the wonderful internet.

I just took a morning-after pill.

I feel sick already, but that’s more from the guilt than from the pill.

Here’s everything I feel: I feel terribly guilty that I went running back to a boy I was supposed to be keeping my distance from. I feel guilty that I abandoned my goals and my purpose to be with (if only temporarily) a boy who makes me feel toxic and unhappy. I’m angry with myself because I gave in to the urge and even though we were careful, some things happened (I don’t think I should elaborate). And I started panicking the day after. Even though the chances of pregnancy with what happened were very, very low I’d rather be safe than sorry. Because I will continue to panic and be unable to calm down and work. Or do anything productive.

Ugh, I feel like such an idiot.

I can’t even tell a friend because, well, I don’t have the kind of friends I can talk to about this stuff.

I feel so guilty.

Especially when I hear my mother’s voice. I know I won’t get pregnant now but I still feel so, so, so awful.

My stomach hurts and I may be sick.

I won’t let this happen to me again. (yeah, it’s happened before. I just don’t learn). I’m going to fight it. I’m going to focus on college.

It helps if I think about something else, or write, or do math.

Sorry if this seemed like a rant. If you’re going through something similar, reach out to me. If this is me reading this later, on the verge of doing the stupid thing again, you have to stop. You have to stop and think. You have to fight it. There is a world out there, and you are strong.

Thank you for reading.

-Nadya

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The Office (US)

I’ve been having kind of a tough time lately and The Office has been my saviour.

So this post is an appreciation post.

I watched it once and now I can’t watch anything else without thinking ‘I could be spending this time watching The Office.’

Here’s some assorted stuff:

Thank god for Michael Scott.

And Mindy Kaling, who is so very talented.

I’m swooning.

Go get ’em, prison Mike.

Yes he is. What’d you think?

Recyclops.

Also, every single scene with Creed Bratton in it.

That’s it for now, although I want to go on with the memes.

Leave a comment and tell me about your favourite parts of The Office. And then we can all talk about how great it is. It will be wonderful.

The Beginning

baked-berry-cake-1055272I picked cupcakes because most people like cupcakes.

I’m not particularly fond of them. They’re too sweet. But I do like the colors.

I just needed a place where I could be blatantly honest about things. I don’t know if anybody will be interested but I’ve been having a strange (for lack of a better word) time and I need to talk about it.

This is my story so far.

It includes:

  1. A boy
  2. Some girls
  3. Assorted swear words (only when absolutely necessary)
  4. A different boy
  5. An overwhelming absence of boys
  6. An abundance of science textbooks
  7. Cupcakes
  8. Some poetry

I haven’t been the best person lately. If you end up reading more of my story, you may not like me very much. There are some people I wish I could apologize to. There are some people I wish I hadn’t apologized to. There are very few things that I know for sure.

To quote Jake Peralta, ‘Eyes closed, head first, can’t lose.’

Here goes.